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INFORMATION ON BULLYING
Four Kinds of Bully
Geoff Hunt
There are more than four kinds of bully. In fact, every bully is different.
Bullies do not stand alone; they are bullies in a specific context, and are part and parcel of a set of relationships, past and present.
Some situations bring out the bully in a person.
Some people are a combination of the four main types!
Here are some tips for dealing with the four types - not meant to be exhaustive advice, of course.
1 The Greedy Bully
This person is motivated very strongly by a desire to have more power, in order to have more of everything. This motivation comes from within, and is not imposed from outside. They are forever hungry, and driven by ambition. Desire, pride, lust, money, recognition – all these may come together in a particularly forceful way. It is a powerful will which causes them to bully anyone who is getting in their way. It is the object of their desire, bright and attractive in their mind, which is causing them to bully.
TIP As long as you are not in their way, they have no real interest in bullying you.
2 The Inadequate Bully
This person is motivated by a feeling of not being good enough. They were hurt in the past, perhaps abused or neglected. Deep down they are fearful and defensive. It can take many forms, such as intellectual bullying (I am cleverer than you are). A hatred of a perceived weakness in others will trigger them into bullying. They may be petty, nasty and vengeful and will always respond negatively to any perceived weakness in others. They are hyper-sensitive to what others say about them and take offence easily, but brutally insensitive about what they have to say about others. They are generally over-controlled, because they are as soft as jelly inside.
TIP As long as you do not appear weak in their eyes, they have no interest in bullying you.
3 The Pressured Bully
This person is motivated by external pressure. They really wish they did not ‘have’ to bully people, but they do not see any other way. They cannot cope with what they have to do, cannot motivate others to make things work for them, so constantly try force. When force does not work, they try even more force, while exhausting themselves into alcoholism or an early death. This person will often try to get a second person to do some of the bullying for them, making various promises of reward. This bully may be surprisingly gentle (as well as exhausted) once ‘out of role’.
TIP As long as you help this person to make things work, they have no interest in bullying you.
4 The Callous Bully
This person is not motivated to bully at all. They are just very low on empathy and sensitivity. If you tell them they are bullying they don’t know what you mean, and think you are ‘just saying that’ to be hurtful. They have no idea what other people around them are feeling. They are surprised when others seem to feel hurt as a result of their actions or omissions. They are generally quite cheerful and inexhaustible. They act as they they'll live forever!
TIP As long as you are immune to this person’s insensitivity (or, in some cases, tell them how you feel), you will not feel bullied by them.
Field, Tim. Bully in Sight: How to Predict, Resist, Challenge & Combat Workplace Bullying. (Overcoming the silence and denial by which abuse thrives.) Foreword by Diana Lamplugh OBE. Published by Success Unlimited, 1996. 358 pages. 14.35 pounds inc. p&p. Available from Success Unlimited, PO Box 67, Didcot, Oxon, OX11 0YH:
GO TO: http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/book.htm
Kinchin, David. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: The Invisible Injury. 192 pages. Published by Success Unlimited, address as above. (Readable and helpful. Essential reading for survivors of accident, rape, disaster, bullying, abuse and so on.)
GO TO: http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/ptsdbook.htm
Adams, Andrea. Bullying at Work: How to Confront & Overcome It. Virago. 1992. ISBN 1-85381-542-X.
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